Effective Communication with your spouse - Colossians 4:6

Marriage is a sacred union, designed by our Creator for the benefit and blessing of mankind. As believers, it is essential to seek scriptural guidance to nurture fulfilling marriages that are in alignment with God's perfect will. By anchoring our relationships in the Word of God, we can experience the fullness of joy and love that He intended for us.

Effective communication is essential for establishing a successful marriage. Husbands and wives must understand that their mates are different and unique. The Apostle Paul encourages the church to "let your words always be with grace, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should answer each person" (Colossians 4:6, LSB). Although, this verse references the relationship between the church and unbelievers, it can also be applied to the nature of the union between spouses. The relationship between husband and wife must be one of mutual respect as they are both "fellow heirs of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). This biblical union is a unique and distinct one because it is an object lesson that demonstrates the relationship that Jesus Christ has with His church.

In a marriage, the husband is commanded to love his wife just like Christ loves His church. He is her protector, provider, and promoter. He must be intentional in meeting her physical and spiritual needs. The wife is also commanded to submit to her husband in a way that reflects her devotion to the Lord. She is not his indentured servant to do his every bidding because this is not what submission signifies within the context of marriage. She is a vital member of the family unit that God created for His glory. She is to be treated with the utmost respect, otherwise the husband's prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). All words husbands and wives speak to each other must be seasoned with salt so that they can produce positive and constructive communication. Recognizing each mate comes from a different upbringing and family dynamic is imperative so that each person may extend grace and understanding when conflict arises. It is never wise to speak harshly toward one another as this would go against Scripture (Ephesians 4:29).

Communication should never be about pointing the finger at one's spouse or blaming one another with disdain. Rather, it should be a mutual coming together as a team by cultivating an open, safe dialogue with your best friend. Our Lord's brother James speaks about this issue by admonishing fellow believers that "everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger" (James 1:19). He also goes on to highlight that expressing anger in an ungodly way keeps one from practicing the righteousness of God (James 1:20). Husbands and wives must practice building each other up so that both can experience growth in their spiritual walks with the Lord. It is never a wise idea to attempt conflict resolution when tempers are high. There is nothing good in uttering words that seek to destroy or harm your spouse. You forfeit the blessings of God over your home when you display such sinful conduct. The Psalmist declares that we are to "cease from anger and forsake wrath and do not fret as this will only lead to further sinful behavior" (Psalm 37:8). Seasoning one's speech with grace and gentleness will keep one from expressing ire, but unwholesome words will always stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1). In these times, one should employ sound wisdom and take the time to cool off so that effective communication can take place to resolve the issue. Remember your spouse is your brother and sister in the Lord and you are commanded to lay aside all wrath, anger, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth as this does not bring glory to God. My prayer is that you experience genuine, uplifting communication with your spouse as you seek to grow spiritually together as one flesh.